Whispers

Beyond the sun

Above the stars

Here is where I reside

Quietly

Painstakingly waiting

Hope upon hope

Lifting me higher

Higher and higher

Until I'm there

Far from the moon

Where anything can occur

A land of wonder

Things dreams are made of...

Safe to say I was bored at work today and wrote that. I feel like I am finally getting back to being me, with this journal and writing.

Quiet Contemplation

'Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.'

Not sure why but for some reason I'm thinking about the Dr Seuss poem 'Oh the places you'll go'. Not quite sure why but I just am.

When I was little I thought I could be anything I fancied. For the longest time I wanted to be a pediatrician. Not sure where my childish mind got that notion, but it was what I wanted to do when I grew up. Huh, grow up what a novel term that is. I'm all of 26 and I still am not sure what that means. When is one officially grown up??

I'm still not truly sure what I want to do with my life. My job now is not what makes me happy, I don't want to be there forever. It is just a job not a career, not something that I love to do. I remember how contented I used to be back in school when I got the opportunity to preform. Funny thing was that I used to be very shy, a total case of stage fright. Don't believe me? I gave up my Christmas solo in 5th grade, instead opting for a duet with one of my friends, because I was afraid to be up there singing alone. Now I would kill for something like that!

Somewhere in my mind and my heart I am still holding out for that day on the stage. It was what made me happy. I'm not the best dancer but I think it is so much fun... Maybe I'll get back there someday. :)

Rainy Days

Sometimes I just hate Pittsburgh weather. It is so very dreary here, so much so that all I feel like doing is staying in my pajamas all day long. All that is going on today in the football game. Bob's friends may come over, but you never know about them...

Last night somehow we managed to get out of the house. It was not your typical Saturday night with Ben, Justin, and Jane. Usually we stay in the South Side, going to dinner at one of the restaurants and then ending up at some bar. More often than not Tiki Lounge. But last night was a welcome change. We all went down to the Waterfront to have dinner at Bravo. And then the Loew's Theater to see I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. Interesting movie, not something I would typically watch at all. It was very crude and vulgar but it was something I needed to break the monotony I have been stuck in lately.

Sometimes...

Somehow along the way I feel like I have lost the person that I used to be. I don't know if it was the move out of Oakland. Or if it is because of my job. Everyone seems like they are just not there anymore. I used to have so many friends, but everyone is gone. Moved away. Grown up. I still have Bob in my life but even that is hard to cope with sometimes.

I love him, I do. But there are just some things I still don't understand or grasp about that boy. He can be the sweetest person, but then sometimes he can just be so cruel. I hope things can work out, I really do. It is just that sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is trying.

I feel like I need some sort of hobby in my life right now. I feel somewhat trapped, in a slump. I would love to make more friends. Not just work people, but actual friends. I have like one of my own here, Jane. And then my lovely, lovely Laura, but she is far too far away. I just want people in my life like that. I am considering, maybe after the wedding on taking dance classes or something like that. Maybe...